A Child Custody Attorney Can Help With Parents in Conflict

As a child custody attorney, we understand that children are the most important aspect of any divorce. Children are far more valuable than any piece of property.  Unfortunately, they tend to be divided just like the cars and bank accounts.  This can seem beyond ridiculous and is difficult for many parents to wrap their head around. Still, in a divorce it is impossible for each parent to continue seeing their children as frequently as they did during the marriage, simply because their time must be divided in some way.  We can help to ensure that your parental rights are protected and that you can see your children as much as possible.

This can be particularly challenging for you and your spouse if you cannot get along.   If there is anger or an inability to be near each other, this can further exasperate the situation.  One thing we do caution parents about is to limit how much conflict the children are exposed to.  Studies have found that in most divorces at least one spouse makes consistently negative references about the other one or exposes the children to the anger or conflict associated with the divorce.  This can create emotional stress for a child as they feel like they have to express loyalty to one or both parents.  It is important to remember that your children love both of you and are probably loyal to both of you.  They are not the ones getting a divorce and are the only real victim in this situation because they have no real say in the matter.  With this in mind, we try to get both parties to agree not to discuss the other in a negative light in front of the children. This can help them to get through the process with less stress.As a child custody attorney, we also consider potential conflict when drafting a parenting plan.  Keep in mind that regardless of whether or not you and your spouse get along, there will be times of interaction due to your children.  For example, when there is an exchange, there will be an opportunity for the two of you to see each other or interact.  If you are not getting along, we want to know about it so that we can limit those interactions as much as possible.  This is in the best interest of both you and your children.Here are some ways to limit potential conflict:

• Agree not to discuss each other in a negative fashion.  The best way to do so is to not discuss each other at all.
• Complete exchanges in a public place.  As a child custody attorney, we will help to draft the parenting plan that a judge has to certify.  In that plan, we can specify where exchanges are supposed to take place.  If there is a high probability of conflict, we can write in that the exchange take place at the local Starbucks, etc.  This way there is a decreased chance of a fight or conflict breaking out.
• Remove the unknowns.  When creating your parenting plan we can document every detail about when children are with each of you so that there are no unknowns.  For example, “they are with mom every Sunday through Thursday with dad picking the kids up from school Thursday and dropping them off with mom on Sunday morning at 9AM”.  By making the dates and times clear along with where the exchange takes place and who is responsible for picking up the children, we can limit the potential conflict.

For more tips on how to reduce conflict in your divorce and long-term custody plan, call our office to speak with a child custody attorney.